Womxn’s March 2017 :: This Is Why I Marched
This weekend I marched in the largest demonstration in U.S. history. I am still processing the magnitude of this. That day, in downtown Seattle, I was a part of a sea of 170,000 humans, stretched over 3 miles, united in love, seeking equality…and this sea was just a drop in a global love ocean. That many people, for an introvert, can be an absolute nightmare, but I was unafraid. I didn’t know every reason for each person that showed up, but an energy of love and unity was tangible from the moment I stepped on the park grounds. I walked away inspired, transformed, empowered, exhausted.
Then the following day, I woke up with an intense awareness of being very distant from the young girl I once was, the young girl a lot of people still think I am. It started because of comments from family members and old friends that I got on some pictures I posted of the march…but it goes so much deeper than that. A year ago, I decided to dive down into the deepest pains of my childhood. I was tired of deflecting and projecting my pain and anger on to others, and I was tired of hiding. I had found a community that I was safe enough in, that I could go through this process of digging and sorting and uncovering, and they would give me space to be sad, because I knew I was going to be sad for a long time. I had no idea the journey this would start. I thought I knew what needed to be fixed, but the beauty this digging has uncovered is more than I could have imagined. And I haven’t been able to stop…I don’t want to stop…I cannot stop. Diving into this pain has sparked some kind of transformation that is hard to explain, some kind of healing that I’m addicted to. So, I keep pushing forward because it’s all I know to do, and change is coming so quickly I can barely keep up. It is spreading through me like wildfire. Change in the way I see myself, change in the way I see others, change in the way I see the divine, and the earth, and nature, and our relationship to one another. All of this happens daily, in small ways, in whispers, with my daughters, by myself, giggling with my girlfriends, in meditation, in nature, under the moon, in conflict, in resolution, reading, learning, listening, writing, painting, singing, playing, working, in intimate moments of conversation and touch with my husband…I am changing daily.
Then I take a public step, a step EVERYONE can see, and the following day the life is sucked out of me. In that moment I remember, “Oh, right. Not everyone understands me. Not everyone who knew me still knows me. Not everyone SEES ME.” And overwhelming insecurity hits me. Fear hits me. Fear that I’ve gone too far without being able to keep everyone abreast and informed on what direction I’m headed, and who I am becoming, or maybe better, who I’ve always been but am uncovering. I fear that the gap is too far to bridge and I’ll lose people I love dearly. I fear that I’ve gone too long in life without the communication skills I need to maneuver this type of change. I fear that I’ve not practiced enough to effectively convey to others who I am now. I’m scared of being misunderstood. I’m scared people won’t listen. I’m terrified I’ll have to be small, pretty, and quiet again…that I’ll have to be the “good girl” forever.
Yes, I am still Lisa, but I am not the “confused and scared” child Lisa, nor the “naive, on fire for God” teenage Lisa, nor the “people pleasing, peace-at-all-costs-to-myself” young woman Lisa. I’ve seen and survived too much pain to be any of those anymore. I’ve also had too many kind and generous humans contribute to my well-being to believe the things I used to believe. I’ve changed too much to fear change.
I AM the ever-changing, never-stopping, always-digging, always-pushing, ever-learning, ever-processing, woman-marching, life-giving, world-changing, people-loving, holy, aged, weary, wounded, strong, vibrant, Lisa, who stands as a beneficial presence in this world, with other human souls, to better the human race, and to carry the downtrodden and oppressed across the finish line of self-love and love for all people. (I had my husband proof this, and he inserted this paragraph. I like it, and I’m keeping it.)
So, I write this for my family and friends who haven’t seen me in a while, who haven’t been a part of my day to day changing that has taken place in the last two years. I write this for those who don’t understand why millions of people showed up to march…though I’m only able to give you one person’s reasons. I write this for the 30+ people I had the privilege to march for, because they couldn’t. But I write this most of all for myself; to process and document this ridiculously powerful global vibration that I was privileged to be a part of.
I did not march to protest Trump’s presidency. I know there are many people who are frustrated and have felt overlooked and disregarded the last 8 years, and now is their time to have a president that more aligns with their values. At the same time, I also understand my call to use my voice, to speak up and stand up for myself, and the people who have been marginalized and dehumanized for centuries; people who have seen glimpses of hope for a better future, now fearful of having years/decades/centuries of hard work and progress taken away from them. I marched to tell our president what kind of America I hope for. I marched to let my voice be heard in hopes that it would influence the trajectory of our country before we have to back-pedal.
I marched for…
Women:
To be seen as infinitely more valuable than JUST what our bodies can offer.
That when we are informed and given resources, we’re capable and smart enough to make our own decisions about our bodies.
That our talents, ideas, and contributions are equally and uniquely as valuable as a man’s.
For my daughters to grow up in a world where they will not fear being touched without their consent.
(Men: as a side note, if you get caught in the middle of saying or doing something misogynistic, just stop and apologize. Don’t comb it over as “locker room talk”. We’re rational human beings, we will understand and accept your apology.)
LGBTQ people:
LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE.
HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN, and we all have the same needs in order to survive and thrive in this life: food, clothing, water, shelter, LOVE, belonging, and it would be inhumane to strip anyone of their inherent right to openly receive and express love.
(Some people may say, “But what about what the Bible says?” And to that I say, I have chosen to allow my moral compass to weigh heavier on me than a collection of letters and stories that was written by people who lived over 2000 years ago.)
People of Islam and ‘other-than-Christian’ faith:
Our country was founded on the principle of religious freedom. (I mean, we were trying to escape powers that told us what God to believe in and what set of religious rules to follow.)
Our religious backgrounds have more common ground than not, and there is beauty and much to be learned in the differences.
HUMANS make up these “other” faiths. Just like you, just like me. There is nothing to fear.
People of Color:
HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN.
People of color built our country, through slavery, art, innovation…and in every other way a white man or woman has.
I will never understand what it is like to wake up scared because of the color of my skin…and no one should have to. This just should not be.
Our diversity should be seen as an asset that enriches our lives, not something to fear.
Our human race is becoming more colorful.
Immigrants:
HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN is HUMAN.
I can’t imagine looking into a person’s eyes and telling them they must stay in a dangerous living condition in order to protect my comfort, or even my safety. What makes me more worthy of safety than another human?
We are all in this life together.
These are our brothers and sisters. These are our children.
(and just a reminder, we are all descendents of immigrants…other than the native people we stole this land from.)
The Earth:
This is our one shot, there is no planet B.
Science is real.
Climate change is real, and we contribute to it.
Disregarding climate change as a hoax, in my opinion, is the largest mistake we could make as a country, being the second biggest contributor to global warming.
My babies will inherit the earth and all of the problems we choose to ignore.
Heaven and hell are found on earth, here and now. There is no need to wait for it. Looking the other way and waiting for our crowns and mansions in some afterlife is irresponsible and extremely selfish.
I know that I am still learning. I am a student. I know I’ve oversimplified, over generalized, and I’m SURE I’ve got some things wrong here…but I choose to keep moving not having all the answers. I’ve done the opposite my whole life. I’ve kept my mouth shut so no one would have cause to judge or dislike me. So, my apologies for anything I misspoke or got wrong, but I must move forward. I choose to stand up like a woman: like I matter, like my voice is important. I stand up as if my femininity brings balance to the world, because it does. I choose to stand irreverently, powerfully, through non-violent protest, with empathy, in kindness, persistently, resiliently, with words, and bleeding from my whatever. I would rather be nasty than silent. I refuse to go back into that box again.
Namaste.
Womxn’s March Seattle :: January 21, 2017
